you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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