Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
