I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
