went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
