my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
