help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
