ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
