I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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