Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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