This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
