Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
