Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
