A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
