I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
