Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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