I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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