Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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