Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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