theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
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