i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
