I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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