she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
