too bad you live with your parents still
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
