so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
