I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
