So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
