ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize