I think scott just propositioned me for sex
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
