oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
