So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
