Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
