I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
