he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize