If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
