I smell stomach acid.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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