somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
