we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
