mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
