My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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