better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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