I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
