Nicole vs. Life
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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