It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
