i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
