I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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