Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
