maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
