I faked an abortion last night.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
