Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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