This is not my ceiling
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize