around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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