He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
