Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
