I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
