Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
