mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
