I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize