She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
