i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
