so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
